Insurance Companies Suck

Well, I've come to the conclusion that ALL insurance companies suck huge!  One of my tenants let the apartment run out of oil (oil heat) and had electric heaters plugged in for warmth.  He left for a couple of weeks, work related.  I believe a friend or someone entered the apartment and shut off the heaters upon departure.  Well I mentioned the wind and temperature the last few days and nights, nighttime temps 5 degrees with 15 mph winds, daytime 25 degrees with 20 mph winds.  Not a good mixture.  The apartment is frozen solid, water pipes, boiler, toilet, forced hot water pipes, everything! 

I called my insurance company, Massachusetts Fair Plan, to inquired if this is a coverable incident.  I explained the situation to 3 different people to no avail.  "We would have to send out an adjuster."
"Can't you just tell me if things like this are covered?"
"No, I don't have your policy."
"Can you look at my policy and tell me?"
"No, there are so many variables."
Variables!  She said variables which I have determined means loopholes!  So I asked her "Do you mean loopholes?"
"Ummmm, ummmm, no, no variables."
Ding, something snapped in my little mind!!  Listen ass eyes, before I let one of your henchmen come to my house looking for loopholes, I want to know if something like this is even covered!  After a long delay of silence, I finally answer, "Ummm, Ummm, I guess I just don't understand why I can't get an answer.  I guess I will just call my agent and see what he says."
"Thank you for calling, is there anything else we can help you with today?"  What kind of stupid question is that?  You didn't help me with anything, how can you help with anything else?!

So now I'm sitting here contemplating how I know when to stop beating the tenant (is he still breathing?), how far up the ass of the insurance co. I should tell them to stick their policy (until you choke?) and how I'm going to pay for this damage if it's not covered (sell my sperm to the fertility clinic?).  With steam coming out of every orifice of my body right now, I'm wondering why I ever gave up drinking.  Ohhhh yeah, that's right, the alcohol destroys the filter on my mouth and actions.

Life can be pretty funny at times and not so funny other times.